Wonderful words from Michael Neill with action steps for you!

Tolerations

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(I first came across the word "toleration" in the writings of Thomas Leonard, founder of "Coach University", one of the largest coach training organisations in America. Check out Coach Universityfor more information).

About a year ago, I was being interviewed for a never-published article on life coaching in Men's Health magazine. For part of the interview, they set up three "clients" for me to work with, and in an attempt at "fairness", they chose one person who loved the idea of coaching, one who was a bit curious, and one who thought it sounded stupid.

As you might expect, the first two guys loved their sessions and got a lot out of them. What was a great lesson for me was what happened with the one who thought the whole idea of coaching was stupid. When I asked him why he had agreed to participate in something as "stupid" as a coaching session, he said he had responded to an ad looking for people who were discontented with their lives, and almost dropped out when he found out what it was about.

Twenty five of the longest minutes in my life later and I was almost ready to recant on my famous dictum "there's no such thing as a resistant client, only an inflexible coach"! Having failed utterly in getting him to set an agenda for the session let alone a goal for what he wanted in his life, and feeling my own frustration beginning to get the better of me, I asked him somewhat pointedly "what annoys you most about your life?"

Suddenly my monosyllabic friend turned eloquent, and over the course of the rest of the session, we made a list of 67 seperate things that annoyed him about his life, ranging from the political situation in the middle east to his job to the missing button on his denim shirt.

I explained that everything in our lives we tolerate without embracing drained energy from us, and one of the best ways to free up energy and get clear on what really matters to us in life was to either embrace the items on his list or where possible, eliminate them from his life. After going back through the list and crossing out anything that was outside of his circle of control (i.e. the political situation in the middle east, the fact that life coaching exists as a profession, etc.), we were left with around 40 "tolerations" - things in his life that he was frustrated by but for whatever reason, did nothing about.

We finished our session by setting him the task of eliminating at least five of the items on his list within the next week. A month later, I asked the journalist if she had heard from him again. To my amusement and delight, he still thought life coaching was a crock, but had left his job, gone back to school to re-train as a teacher, and was in a great new relationship!

Today's Experiment (approx time - 5 minutes):1. Make a list of as many things in your life as you can think of that you are "putting up with" and/or that annoy you.

2. Go back through the list and cross out those things that are outside of your control.

3. What you now have is a list of your "tolerations" - the secret and not so secret energy drains that stand between you and the life of your dreams.

4. Set yourself an achievable target for eliminating these tolerations from your life. Some people like to try and get rid of the whole list in a week; others prefer to get rid of one a day for as long as it takes. Work at a speed that is comfortable and enjoyable for you!

Bonus Tips:
a. Don't be surprised if your list gets longer rather than shorter over the next few days. Your life's not getting worse, you're just becoming more aware.

b. Consider setting up a "tolerations" fund - a small sum of money put aside for the sole purpose of eliminating tolerations, whether it's by paying someone to iron your clothes, finally fixing that dented fender, or upgrading to a modem that can surf the internet at speeds in excess of 2.4kpbs.

c. If you find yourself unable or unwilling to eliminate something from your life, consider embracing it. Read The Five Rules for Happiness for more on this idea.

Have fun, learn heaps, and eliminate those tolerations!